About three months ago, my lower back started severely bothering me. But it came and went, came and went... It never fully went away and it got worse at certain moments. Always some tightness and awareness--that something wasn't quite right. Yesterday, I got the tub all ready to give June a bath. As I bent down to put her in, there was a shock of pain that struck through my body. It shook my core. It was the lingering pain that had been there the whole time. I knew of the problem but wasn't fixing it. Then it all came forth.
Last night, women gathered throughout Atlanta to our church for "The Grove". We've been anticipating this night and praying for this night for months. Behind anything that God is doing, there is an enemy who wants to shut it down. I recognized that after my day flipped around. When we recognize there's an enemy scheming to break us, we can press through the pain to make sure he DOES NOT WIN. Because Jesus is more. He's already won on the Cross. And if the enemy is trying to pull you away from something, it's because God has something big for you.
So I (very slowly) made my way into the church building last night. We worshipped and heard women speak of their stories. It started hitting me... this weight that I have been carrying came to its breaking point. As a wife, a mom, a self boss, and someone who wears a few different hats... I realized that I had been carrying the weight of life on my own for a while now. I've been carrying it so long in this mundane life that I cracked. I know Jesus and love Jesus, but we have to continue to be rooted in Him and be in close relationship with Him. It's not a "one time thing". It's a continual laying down of our lives for the sake of the gospel and surrendering our burdens and our lives to Him. We weren't made to carry it all. Which is why God sent His Son, Jesus. He carried your burdens on the Cross and died a life only He could do. Holy and blameless. That you might know Him and no longer live an empty life separated from true life and love-- but live in fullness and joy. That truth shook my core as I painfully sat in that chair last night. Pushing through the pain of trying to do it all on my own and forgetting whose I am. We have to re-remember everyday who we are and who Jesus is. Are you carrying something today that you need to surrender? Do you have little pains that have been around for a few months but you've been ignoring them? Jesus wants to take that from you today. YOU are loved. You are seen. You are chosen. And you are NOT alone. Rest in his arms today. Draw near to Him.
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:4-5